Archive for mum blog

Mental Health Awareness Week – some things I’ve found that have helped me with anxiety…

This week, 18 – 24 May is Mental Health Awareness Week on the theme of kindness.  Quite apt during this continuing lockdown period where a lot of us are struggling in one way or another don’t you think?  

Whilst I wouldn’t say I suffer with anxiety, I’m definitely an anxious person.  In my teenage and early adult years I suffered with Emetophobia, which caused me a lot of anxiety and whilst I don’t think I’ll ever be completely over this phobia I’ve certainly learned how to deal with it better over the years. I’ve written a full blog post on this which you can read here if you want to. I cannot believe how many people messaged me after I posted this saying that they felt the same, it took me so long to get the courage to write that post and I’m so glad I did, it just goes to show that you might think you’re the only one who feels someway but you pretty much definitely won’t be.

Anyway, during this period of time and in the years following my worst time with it, I learned a few different coping mechanisms and things that I know now will help me to feel better and I thought I’d share them here just incase they’re helpful to you too.  I think it’s important to note that these are things that have helped me personally – they may not work for everyone but hopefully even one or two of them might.

Yoga / in fact any sort of exercise…

Yoga is something I’ve got into in more recent years.  Focussing on your body and regulating your breathing does wonders for your mind.  I carry a lot of tension in my back when I feel anxious and if I’m feeling panicky I can sometimes feel shaky which in turn gives me awful back ache.  I’m beginning to realise now that if I can feel an anxiety session coming on a quick half hour of Yoga with Adriene will usually sort me out if I catch it early enough.  While I was running I found this had a similar effect on my mental well being but I haven’t run for ages so we won’t go there 😉

Do something with your hands

I cannot talk enough about how knitting helped me during the worst time of my phobia.  It was something therapeutic that I could do with my hands which was mindful enough to calm my anxious mind.  It also gave me something to look forward to and plan for – thinking about which project I’ll make next and what wool I can buy. I do this with fabric now 😉  Some of the benefits recorded with knitting have also been lowered blood pressure and distraction.  It can also be very social, there’s a whole world of knitting Instagrammers out there you know! I know lots of people who would say the same about crochet and gardening too.

Prayer & meditation   

I’m a Christian so I’ll always pray through my worries, sometimes sitting alone for a while listening to a talk or meditation and reading my Bible will be enough to remind me that God is in control and give my worries over to him. However, I’m only human and a bit of a control freak so it’s worth mentioning that sometimes I find this difficult too.

Getting Outside

When you’re gripped with worry and on the verge of panic going out for a walk can be the last thing you feel like doing but when I’m feeling anxious getting outside, usually with the dog now, does me the world of good. Something about the calm and quiet of being in nature helping to calm my mind I guess.

Counting backwards from 100

Sounds madness but I’ve been known on a few occasions during lockdown to have woken up in a state and been calmed back to sleep by doing this over and over accompanied by some deep breathing.

Write it down

Another thing I’ve only recently got into is journaling, I was sceptical at first but actually getting your feelings down on paper does actually help – who knew!  

Get someone who understands to rationalise with you

In my teenage years it was my parents and a couple of close friends, now it’s my husband.  Talking over your anxieties with someone who cares about you, even if they feel silly to you, will always help.

Be kind to yourself

In the midst of my worst struggle with my phobia mental health wasn’t talked about like it is now.  I felt like there was something wrong with me, that I was strange or weak.  If you’re going through a tough time please know that you aren’t alone. 

When I was at my worst with this there were very few people who actually knew what I was going through, I got very good at hiding it and knowing how to avoid situations I couldn’t cope with without looking too weird.  What I mean by saying this is that you never know what someone else is going through even though on the outside they might look fine!

Always be kind and remember…

I hope some of those tips may have been helpful.  I’m always happy to chat if you are suffering from a similar phobia or if you just want to chat in general. 

Take care, stay safe and as always thank you for reading!!

Sally xx

   

      

Isolation Tales – Week 4 – Life lately…

Hi, how are you doing, really? Here we are at week four already, Easter seemed to come and go and although we were sad not to be having the loud family gathering we might usually be having, we actually had a really lovely weekend.  Of course the amazing weather we were blessed with helped a lot! 

We’ve all been going to bed late and getting up late and although we don’t seem to be doing too much with our days, they still seem to be flying by and somehow we are at the end of the Easter holidays and I need to start thinking about quite how we’re going to get back into the routine of home schooling again.  Although I am quite a morning person and even though I have been struggling to get up in the mornings lately, I really, love it when I manage to force myself up an hour before everyone else to get my yoga done and have a bit of quiet time so maybe getting back into more of a routine next week will be a good thing.

On the whole this week I have noticed a bit of a shift in my mood.  I feel a little bit calmer, a bit more settled in our quiet days, but evening (and 4 o’clock in the morning) seems to be the time that I start to feel anxious again and remember the reason why we are in this strange situation and I think a lot of you are still feeling that way too which makes me feel less alone. 

For this week’s round up here’s a little ‘What I’ve been…’ I’ve not done one of these for a while so I thought it might be fun.  If you want to join in feel free to steal the prompts!

So, here goes, what I’ve been…

Loving   

Spotting all of the lovely blossom that has suddenly appeared on our walks, it’s just so beautiful against the blue skies we’ve been having and can’t fail to make you feel happy.  Spring is still springing despite everything.

Snapped this on our dog walk the other day 🙂

Hating

Not being able to see people – goes without saying really doesn’t it but we have been having lots of lovely video chats.

Wearing

Joggers and leggings mainly but the shorts and even a dress came out for Easter day and I was amazed at how much better I felt about myself that day, although it didn’t take long for the joggers to come back!

Sewing

I actually got around to sewing up something for myself this week.  I made the Mimi blouse from the Tilly and the Buttons book Love at First Stitch.  It wasn’t the easiest of makes but I really appreciated having to take my time and really think about something.  Sewing is so mindful to me. If you didn’t already know I have a separate Instagram account just for my dressmaking and you can follow over at @secret_life_of_a_seamstress (shameless plug alert) 😉

Drinking

Lots of tea – and wine in the evenings like most of us 😉

Eating

All of the cakes we’ve been baking as well as all the Easter eggs, there’s going to have to be some serious exercise done after all this!  We’ve been having a veg box delivered which has helped us be more creative with our veg eating, this week we ended up with lots of carrots and a swede so we made a carrot and swede soup, it was delicious and probably not something we would have made normally. 

Buying

Annie Sloan paint! I’m a little bit addicted already.  Upcycling is something I’ve wanted to try for a while and I’ve finally managed to paint our bedside tables.  I used Paris grey and really enjoyed painting out in the garden sunshine.  I’ve even ordered some more paint and if we’re not careful, everything that’s not moving is going to get painted. Next I have my eye on our bedroom mirror 😉

Watching

We’ve been catching up on ‘The Split’ and watching old episodes of ‘Not Going Out’ for a bit of light comedy relief.

Playing

Dobble – if you haven’t already got this game in your stash you need it.  I’m always amazed by the way it shows how your mind works!  Easily pleased obviously and the perfect size to take out and about with you or play in the garden.

Reading

The Family Upstairs by Lisa Jewell – I absolutely loved this book, could not put it down and managed to finish it in a week which is unheard of for me lately.  I’ve just started The House We Grew Up In also by Lisa on the Kindle.

Thinking

About how our life might look once this is ‘over’ whenever that might be.

Realising

That even though this time might be strange it’s also a bit of a gift in many ways and I want to make sure I use it wisely!

If you fancy doing a ‘What I’ve been…’ yourself do tag me on Instagram so that I can head over and have a read!

Thanks for reading

Take care and stay safe and well!

Sally xx

*This post contains some affiliate links which means if you choose to purchase anything I’ve linked via my page I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to yourself*

On being a stay at home mum…

I have always wanted to be a Mum and not only that I’ve always wanted to be a stay at home Mum.  I know, shock horror, how dare I ever admit such a thing in this day and age of trying to ‘have it all’.  Please don’t stop reading here…

I took voluntary redundancy while on maternity leave with my son and from then on we decided that I wouldn’t go back to work in the same way after my maternity leave was over, at least not while the children were little. We then learned how to manage on one income so that we could afford to do that. 

Like anything, learning how to be a stay at home mum took time, I had to find the best way to make it work in order to keep us all as happy and sane as we could be… (this didn’t always go to plan as I’m sure you can imagine)!!

I thought I’d share some things I’ve learned about being a stay at home mum that helped me while my children were little in case they are helpful to you too:

Always get dressed no matter how little sleep you’ve had, no matter how rubbish you feel and even if you aren’t leaving the house.  It will make you feel so much better.

Always try to get a bit of fresh air if you can.  There will be times when you really can’t face it and that’s ok but whenever I forced us out of the house, even for a walk down the road to the park both me and the kids were so much happier for it.

Know that you can’t do it all!  I’m definitely guilty of feeling like a failure more than once because I didn’t have a freshly cooked meal on the table every evening.  It’s fine to have pasta and stir in sauce for the third night in a row if you’ve had a rough week – at least everyone is eating!

If you have a hobby or interest do your best to keep at it even if it’s just very loosely.  Sewing, knitting and baking honestly helped to keep me sane during my days at home and if you can get the kids involved in something you’re interested in – win win!

Go out and meet other mums even if you don’t feel like it.  I’m naturally an introvert, if I’m feeling rough the last thing I feel like doing is talking to other people when I could be cosied up at home in my safe little haven.  There were so many times in the beginning of motherhood that I literally had to force myself out to playgroup or music group on little sleep and feeling rubbish.  I now have some amazing mum friends that I don’t think I could have got through those first few years without.

It’s ok to have a CBeebies day, or even an iPad day (gasp!!) Sometimes you just need it and guess what, the world won’t fall apart and your child won’t be permanently damaged by it.  And no they wouldn’t be better off at nursery because you are a rubbish mum – they are with you and that’s what makes them happy!

Don’t feel bad for not playing with your child ALL OF THE TIME!  Of course they will want you to play with them all the time but if you have to go off an start dinner don’t feel bad for it.  This is one of the things I used to struggle with the most, then I learned that independent play is actually good for kids and I probably didn’t encourage it enough.

Make time for yourself.  So, so difficult when essentially your day job has become full time carer to everyone else but, if you can, do something that’s just for you.  Even if it’s just once a week!  One of the things I missed the most was probably the lovely hour lunch break I had at work to read my book.

Don’t feel bad for not enjoying every single second with your children.  Yes time flies and yes you should make the most of them but some days are horrid and you just need to accept that and know that tomorrow is another day.

  • Resist the urge to punch anyone that asks you what you do all day!  Staying home with your kids is hard work, it is more than a full time job that you don’t get paid for and often don’t get much recognition for.  It can be seen as an easy option and I’m here to tell you it’s blinking not.  You and only you are responsible for a good chunk of your child’s upbringing day to day and that can be both wonderful and terrifying at the same time.

I hope these tips are a little bit helpful, they kind of focus on the more difficult aspects but I’m happy to say that, for me, I absolutely loved my time as a stay at home mum. I’m so pleased and grateful to have had that time with my children, it has changed me and my outlook on life in so many ways but that’s another post. Of course, I’m really talking here about before my children started any kind of preschool or full time school. I mean I guess I am technically still a stay at home mum now, I work on my business at home around the children after all, but now they are in full time education life is very different.

I know staying at home is not right for everyone and you must do what’s right for you. This is in no way a judgemental post, I just wanted to share my experience of what we thought was best for us. I sometimes wish I could go back in time and tell myself some of these things at the times I felt bad or questioned myself but really I don’t think Mum guilt ever ends does it, I just have other things to feel guilty about now that they are older!

Lots of love

Sally x

January – on taking things slow…

I went out for dinner with some friends last week, our main topics of conversation were:

  1. How tired we are
  2. How busy we are
  3. How much we’d done that day
  4. How quickly time is flying by

You get the picture and I’m sure you’ve probably had very similar conversations yourself.

I am a busy person, I struggle to sit through a film, the cinema would be my least favourite outing of choice because it involves sitting still for more than half an hour.  With both work and home I plan tasks in my head that I ‘must’ get done that day, if I don’t I feel I have failed. I can’t watch telly without doing something else at the same time. It’s why I knit, at least I feel I am doing something with my hands and something productive with my time. In short, I struggle to slow down – I know I’m not alone!

In the run up to Christmas life was so busy, as it is for everyone, with Christmas shopping, working on the business, getting orders out, school activities, productions etc.  In the week or so before Christmas I struggled to sleep at night and by the time Christmas came I felt quite stressed and exhausted from the lack of sleep.  Once  Christmas got going though, with no work and a lovely lack of routine something strange happened – I started to relax.  I would watch tv and be able to concentrate on what I was watching,   I read at night in bed and actually got into what I was reading and enjoyed it, I had a long bath rather than a rushed shower. I began to allow myself to spend time doing the little things I enjoyed and actually allowed myself to enjoy them and not feel guilty for not doing something ‘productive’.  As a result, I started to sleep better and felt happier and more relaxed than I had in a long while.

This got me thinking, I am one of those people who is constantly amazed by how fast the days, weeks, months fly by and  I get frustrated because I don’t feel I can take enough of it in.  But is the reason it does fly by so quickly because we are so immersed in the busyness of life to notice what is actually happening in the moment?  For me I think it is.  There’s almost a pride these days in how busy we are, how many clubs our kids go to, how many nights of the week we are out – but why?

I mentioned the other day on Instagram that in the past I have struggled with being a stay at home mum working on my business while my children are at school because I feel like I constantly have to justify my time, although no one is actually judging me but me.  I feel almost guilty sometimes about stopping for a cuppa and half an hour of telly where I could be working or doing the washing or getting the dinner prepped.  We all know how these tasks never end, but on the times I have allowed myself a break I have been a lot more productive in the hours that follow.

So this month, even this year I am going to try and bottle those feelings of enjoyment at making time to do the little things I enjoy.  To slow down and make time to read, go for a walk with the dog without feeling rushed, watch tv in the evenings, without being on the laptop at the same time, do some exercise (yoga and running for me) and make some time for myself without feeling guilty for it.  What’s that saying – ‘You can’t look after others if you aren’t looking after yourself’ or something like that.

So January, for me, is going to be my slow month.  Even if my slow month does mean slowly Marie Kondo-ing my way through our house along with the rest of the world, it’s good for the soul you know…

Take care!

Sally xx